Temporarily moving to Twitter

Since I rarely offer anything more than a link and a quip, I'm going to try out that newfangled contraption over at Twitter.

I'll update with my username once I've decided on one.

Movin' and Shakin' in the Winds of Change

You're probably starting to think I'm THAT girl...you know the one - she only calls you when she's lonely...or drunk...or drunk and lonely...the kind of girl that puts on an extra swipe of mascara just before she finds herself hanging outside the front door of your duplex barely able to hold on to the trellis...not that I haven't been THAT girl in the past...but times, they are a'changing my dears. My lack of posts can only been attributed to the crazy amount of change and transition that I currently find myself spun into. My lack of posts has no correlation to the increase in hangovers or nights spent holding my head between my knees on the Yellow line.

In fact, my loves, humans are ever-evolving creatures and I have proof. Although I had a wonderfully diligent anthropology professor in undergrad who would drive home critical points of ancestral reference and human and cultural development, I choose sleep. That was, by far, the easiest "C" I ever earned...

Let's focus on the creature I know most, and yet sometimes not at all - MYSELF. I can't tell you why transition becomes desirable to some and a thorn to others. What I can tell you is that sometimes changes come all at once, not one at a time - like delicious free samples on Saturdays at the grocery (AKA "free lunch Saturdays"). These are the times when even a well-meaning, overly-organized, micro-managing Sagittarius becomes overwhelmed.

I love new chapters, turning over a new leaf, and all the other metaphors that poetically describe change and transition. Whether or not I can handle the various changes, the multiple juggling, at once - this is the question. The guy who juggles flaming batons at the Chinese circus has one job. Don't let the fire fall. In order to keep my own flaming batons in air, I have attempted to prioritize what's TRULY important. My ranking list is comprised of everything that I want to attempt/change/modify and includes the tedious (paying off credit card) to the pseudo-scandalous (AKA the secret nose job I have been vying for)...

A few weeks ago my roommate approached and the conversation following resulted in the shared understanding that we are much better friends than roommates. Not because we didn't try or didn't care, but we became less "us" and more Ricky and Lucy (separate beds and all...). We both realized that in order to preserve "us" we'd need distance beyond bedroom walls. I still love her and I can't wait for our next coffee date.

Although, I was half of the understanding party who accepted that good friends don't make the best roommates, I was lost. And anxious. Where to go from here? And more importantly, was it time for me to get my own wings? Or did I settle in, gets some cats and a few more Snuggies, and call it the life I was destined to lead? Things with the beau were solid, but were we ready for that? Better yet - was I ready for THAT? Waking up to the same person everyday, giving up secret single girl behaviors (clipping your toenails on the toilet), and not going to bed after a night of Bacardi-fueled angry text messages (guilty as charged, I'm afraid)? Don't get me wrong. Am I in love? Of course, I am. But I am the first to admit that I am set in my ways, my spatial parameters, and the way I like the cutlery drawer organized.

So, I had a tough decision to make: Was I going to go it alone, knowing full well that my 29th birthday could be surrounded by empty bottles of cheap vino and a few furry four-legged mammals? OR was I going to accept that I love him enough to let my idiosyncrasies (OK, at least a FEW) slide and know that no one would suffer if the Tupperware accidentally finds itself in the dining ware cupboard. (The thought still stirs me. BREATHE and REPEAT)

After looking for a place to call our home for 4 weeks, we signed and sealed the deal on Saturday. We begin our little co-habitation experiment on July 15th. I will call our abode the "Grandstaff-Whicker household". He doesn't disagree. ;)

So here's to those of you taking the NEXT leap of faith, love, or lust.
Best of luck!

XoXoXo

Ms. Katalyst (of change)

Some US Soccer Vids...

For Dan...

I know you like the show... thought you might like this promo.

Job Search

Please let all your employers know, I am looking for a job. Here is a link to my resume, courtesy GNB... and Barney...

Who You Gonna Call? (2010 Encore)

Yes We Can Obama! Make getting Fed Jobs Easier...

Best part? They are doing away with the KSAs... AWESOME!

One more funny vid for Mother's Day... or Mother's Night...

Happy Mother's Day

Both are reposts or old videos. But they are good!

Simple creatures, simplified.

Walking a very short walk for a very simple dose of caffeine, my dear gal pal and I were discussing the opposite sex. Strolling along, I was struck (not by a bolt of lightening - although given today's weather, that's not entirely impossible - or by a cabbie, ALSO not improbable) but rather an epiphany. It was not a new or completely remodeled idea, but one I had spouted (and recycled, when convenient) to any female in need of consoling...
"Men really are just simple creatures."

As I said it, I FELT it. It kinda hit me - not in the Ike and Tina way, but shell-shocking enough to compete in the Whitney/Bobby welter-weight. Men are simple. I don't mean simple-minded fellas, so don't get your Hanes in a bunch. I mean - you need to be fed, shown physical and intellectual stimulation, and sometimes humored. There really is no need for a manual (although it would be the shortest best-seller EVER). So if guys are so simple, why are relationships complicated?!

Then my gal pal said the thing that made it all so clear - like that day in high school chem class when your lab partner lit her acrylic nails on fire on the bunsen burner and you realized that karma is a very powerful force -
"Girls are like fish. We just need a few flakes of attention each day and we'll be satisfied."

I looked at her like she was Yoda. She's recovering and currently detoxing from her past relationship, but the lady is wise beyond her years...

So if both sexes are simple creatures, why the confusion?

If men think that women are more complicated than we really are, and women are overthinking how men operate, then aren't we just doing one another a dis-service by overcomplicating what could be a beautifully simplistic relationship?

1.)Go home.
2.)Grab your partner/lover/maid.
3.)Tell them you love them and their eyes/butt/etc. and mean it.
4.)REPEAT daily


Here's to repeating yourself, in a good way. ;)

XoXoXo

Katatonic

In time for Prom season, a twist on the "Promise" pledge...

The Lobbyist Firm promise is a tradition. In essence, it's a promise made to your family, your workplace and undeserving undergraduate interns. Wherein you commit not to drink and drive and not to engage in sexual relations with another underpaid Washingtonians, scrambling for the top.

Here is the promise:
I, _______________________
Hereby promise to behave responsibly before, during and after Lobbyist Firm.
Date: ____________________

I commit to an alcohol, drug and sex free Lobbyist Firm because I care about my fellow colleagues, my community, and myself.
Signed by: _______________________

Minion: _______________________
Boss: _______________________
Witnessing Intern: _______________________

I WANT TO LIVE.

I want to lobby, listen to boasting bigshots, and canvass Capitol Hill while someone maintains his/her purity.

I want to have an absolutely great time at Lobbyist Firm. Every day after, I will relive it, hour by hour, loathingly, with my friends.

I want to remember it. All of it.

I will not have sex at the Lobbyist Firm.
I will not use alcohol at the Lobbyist Firm.
I will not drive PERIOD to or from the Lobbyist Firm. (I will take the Metro and hope it doesn't break down.)

Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum.... or Smart Smart Smart Smart Smart?

Avenue Q + South Park putting the South Park episode retelling the founding of the Mormon church to Broadway...

You tell me which one is better....

The cover?



or the writers of the song?



I love Luna Halo.

"I love you - What's your credit score?"

Hello dear readers. You come here often? What - you've heard that line before? It's been a while since we hooked up and I just wanted to let you know, like any drunken frat boy after Spring Break, I'm back in your life for another go-round.

Maybe I've been consumed at work and the thought of coming home to a warm flickering laptop is about as delightful as getting your legs waxed after a brutal sunburn. Needless to say, despite my lack of energy and my willingness to just "roll over" on you, I've missed you and our one-sided anecdotal relationship. I want to fix what we had and look forward to a relationship that revolves around me, where you will listen to my tales of shock and horror, either commiserating or judging based solely on the depiction of these accounts....

Or maybe it's that I have finally unearthed myself from the pile of wedding invitations which have flooded, are flooding, and continue to flood, my humble abode.


Let's just pretend it was the latter. First and foremost: CONGRATULATIONS to my nearest and dearest who are recently engaged or will be celebrating their wedding day in the near future. Second: If you fall in the aforementioned group, please discontinue reading...

For those of you slick and sneaky bastards who are avoiding a trip to the altar like some of us avoid carbs, continue to perpetuate your justification for bucking the system and read on...

I have spent years, the better part of the last decade to be exact, observing and analyzing what "works" for some marriages and what will cause your spouse to chase you out of the house in the wee hours of the morning wielding a nine-iron and smash in your luxury SVU's windows...I'm just sayin'. Over the course of the observations, I have compiled what (I believe to be) a generally accepted list of things you should know about your spouse prior to saying "I Do".

1.) Know what your potential spouse looks and acts like when they are sick. Undoubtedly, they will be whining, snot-nosed, and wrapped in a Snuggie. (or maybe that's just the few of us who are willing to admit it...) Needless to say, (at this particular time) he/she is not the hottie you originally chased after. Remind yourself that underneath the germy exterior is the warm body you adore.

2.) Know that he/she can use the basics: shovel, hammer, screwdriver (the version without orange juice), and drill. BOTH sexes should at least have a general knowledge of the capacity and use of these tools. (For those of you who are advanced, I would even add caulk-gun, but let's not get crazy.) It would be nice to know that your significant other can help you hang picture frames, dig in the yard, or make simple repairs prior to tackling the larger (more stressful) projects, like addressing a flooding basement.

3.) Know that he/she has a basic grasp on food preparation. Your significant other does not have to be a master chef (although props to you if he/she is - SCORE!), but should be able to help in the kitchen at meal time beyond pre-heating your oven (insert Marvin Gaye lyrics here). No such luck? Take a cooking class together - what's better than cooking together under the close supervision of a local chef?...eating the fabulous meal you prepared, drinking the wonderfully paired vino, and running home to burn it off in ways that make hormonal teenagers blush. Salut!

4.) Know your significant other's most important possession. What is the one material thing that means the world to him/her? This speaks volumes about his/her priorities both personally and professionally.

5.) Thanks to the recession, we're all a bit more money-conscious. What's worse than wasting money?..having a spouse that does it for you. Know your better half's level of fiscal responsibility (and be willing to disclose your own). All's fair in love and war and shared credit reports...

6.) Know your partner's relationship with his/her own family. All families have some degree of crazy - you don't have to understand how they operate - you just need to know on which level it does. Besides, wouldn't it be nice to assess your potential lifemate's connection with parents and siblings prior to you joining the group willingly? :)

That concludes today's lesson entitled "I told you so". A scuba-diver does not dive without scuba gear and you should not take the plunge without this checklist...

So here's to my newly "en-fianced" and my "brides/grooms - to be" - may your love and passion last for lifetimes (and feel free to post this list on your fridge for a refresher). ;)

XoXoXo,

Blushing Bridesmaid

Sheldon Cooper on Social Sciences

I think this analysis by Sheldon is how Bane feels about the rest of our work: