Family Guy Stoned Reporters

Ollie Williams is the best.

Merry Christmas, from the Santa Stalker...

Warning: NOT for work... and Boondocks is hilarious! The

reference "Pay what you owe" Riley speaks of (for those who

have not seen this episode) is he asked for rims from Santa

("Not even the whole car, just the RIMS") and never got

them...

Tomorrow's Music To Shave By

Because Of Jail

Need some leverage this Chistmas?

Carols from HIMYM

Handbell Ninja Strikeforce

THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER

Are you man enough to handle this movie?

Fusion of the best kind.

AMAZING.

See more funny videos and Technology Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Golden Oldey: The Parlor

This was one of the first videos I saw online - made about 10 years ago. Watch and then wash the shame off of you.

BAMF of the Day

Time for Chistmas. Get into the spirit!

Goldy-Oldy

Owls in standup... funny

Jokes.com
Matt Braunger - Average Auditioner
comedians.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

Jokes.com
Matt Braunger - Owls
comedians.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

In honor of Davo's flight back to DC...

A list of the 7 worst plane landings - where no one died.

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/42477

Afternoon music

A fan-made music video. Not too bad at all.

For those against diamonds this holiday season....

Monday Morning Music... Here. We. Go. ...again.

...start :20 seconds in. Lame intro.

Friday evening music

New BFS!!

Perspectives on Spinal Tap

Ok, I'm not the best at blogging... I do not know how to embed the pic, but here is the link:

Spinal Tap 2009: Recession-Minded

Calling all Captains

Kinda disturbing, but funny never-the-less.

In response to Kat's post

Connections.

So... one of my friends in College Station shared a video that breaks down auto-tuning with me:



And then, another friend shared the fact that she recently danced with Bill Nye. You know... the Science Guy?



Then, strangely, I found this. Apparently it's correct - everything IS connected. (Bill Nye, being auto-tuned.)

RESPONSE TO: Twilight Intervention

Oh, poor Jeff.... You just don't see the larger picture.

I introduce you to prophet Kevin Smith, who levies some much needed wisdom about twilight.



My favorite line: "How dare you pass judgment on those thirteen year old girls who like vampires. They need to be encouraged! Because in six years, they'll be eighteen year old girls who like vampires... Don't poo-poo it. There's a plan. And it's working."

Twilight intervention

For those of you who feel as I do (anti-Twilight sentiment), this is for you. ~J

Twilight Fans Get Punked - watch more funny videos

Today's No-Shit News Service brings us....

... porn! (Safe for work)

Turns out that a study to compare how pornography affected men's lives couldn't be completed... because they couldn't find a single man who did not watch porn.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html

So, today's morning music is NOT for men who DON'T watch porn.

For MICHELLE!!!

Evening Music

In honor of Kat's most recent post, I give you... Donna Summer.

NEWS FLASH:

To whom it may concern...

iTunes is giving free trailers for the second installment of the Family Guy Star Wars episode: Something, something, something dark-side. Mark your calendars, December 22. It will be epic.

~Jeff

I love Christmas time and this movie

Silent Monks Sing

Morning Music

Red + Green = Black Friday

No that Thanksgiving is over, yes, it's Christmas time.

For all you BSG fans...

Yoko-Hero

This is why you always make sure your chick rocks out.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Freakin' Hilarious. SW Status Updates.

5 Star Wars Status Updates on CollegeHumor

The true meaning of Slapsgiving...

Thanksgiving Lessons

Where Did This Kid Come From?

Is this an Ender Wiggin? (For those Ender's Game fans)

Who is the adult in this video clip?

And to reiterate J.D. Roberts' question, "what the hell is a gaywad?"

One possible answer..see below (maybe a "hard rock" host using a dumb fake accent wearing a 1950s retro high-school sweater calling it "heavy metal regalia" reading from a clipboard the names of rockers he's never heard of before lol...)

Nice review of 'Sunny' review

I wish I could take the credit for being this funny. But it's from WWTDD.

"Most people are generally stupid and to prove it Vanessa Williams of ‘I Have No Idea’ was nominated for an Emmy as Best Actress in a Comedy while Kaitlin Olsen of ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’ was not. They might as well have nominated a map of Texas and the color Red too because that category made no sense whatsofuckingever without Olsen in it.


It would be like saying “which one is a duck”, and then the choices are a dog, a bear, and a broom. There’s only one right answer, and it’s not on the list. WTF is that? The entire cast should have won. That show should win every award, even ones they don’t qualify for. Best Comedy, Best Drama, Cy Young, Worlds Best Grandpa, everything, all of it.

At least they got some attention last night in LA at the ‘A Very Sunny Christmas’ DVD release premiere/party. Olsen was with her husband, series creator Rob McElhenney, who plays ‘Mac’. And Charlie Day, who plays ‘Charlie Kelly’ was there with his wife Mary Elizabeth Ellis, who plays ‘the Waitress’."

Job Opportunity

I am currently applying for this job position, and highly encourage you all to do so. Trust me, take a look at least.

Job Opening

Movie Mashup = AWESOME

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Morning Music!

Not the greatest quality, but one of my favorite bands.

Best reference ever

Me: Been out with the flu for the past 4 days.
Warren: Must've sucked for Michelle
Me: She was sick the 3 days before me
Warren: What goes around comes around, eh?
Me: Yeah, hard to escape it when you are married.
Warren: That's why I don't kiss `em on the mouth

Gig `em, Ags

In remembrance of the Aggie Bonfire, I wanted to post a video about A&M. The video itself too simple to be really considered emotional, but goddamn, it makes me miss College Station. Hardcore.


So the shot...



...and Chaser.

Assassin's Creed IRL

In my flu-induced haze, I was able to wander to the nearest Best Buy and spend a sick day playing Assassin's Creed 2 until my fingers shriveled into a ball of carpal tunnel.

This is a short film based on the main charater's father. And they used the same actors in the game. This film truly is a remarkable representation of Assassin's Creed - right down to the same fight moves that you use. Enjoy.

Wednesday Morning Music (Mon for me)

Been out with the flu for the past two days, so I just came off of a really terrible 4-day weekend. 80s music for your work distractions!

The Common Man and His Understanding of Energy Policy

This show took place in the 70s; it's now a part of the Smithsonian and it doesn't look like much has changed....

Mr. Deity and Death

For My Office Working Colleagues..HAHA

Cougar vs. Irish Priest

http://www.csmonitor.com/2009/1112/p99s01-duts.html

The Moro Islamic Liberation Front has really, really got to change their name. If you think about it, this could be a really sad headline. I mean, would ANYONE want to be released by a MILF?

The Really Unique Gift

Daniel you may not want to watch this clip at work lol...

Jeff, I'm liking these Mr. Deity episodes.

Friday Morning Music

Points if you can name which character uttered these words.

"Ugh, I'm a voter. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?"

"Let's run some red lights!"

It at least FEELS like a Monday morning

For those of us who had Veteran's Day off... this is for you.

Bit of history passed unnoticed

http://www.google.com/berlinwall09.html

As many of you have seen, it is Big Bird's birthday this year. However how many people noted the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall? Here in Jersey, it went by unnoticed, which deeply saddened me. I do not know how you guys saw it, or if you noticed it, but the global effects of drastic proportions is so important to the global community and re-wrote theoretical frameworks in international relations. Here's to 20 years!

PS Everyone say it with me. Ronald Reagan is NOT responsible for the fall of the Berlin Wall. Despite what Neo-cons and many US citizens would like to think, that would just be simply fiction, whereas history has another story.

Worst Job in the World...

Morning Music

I'm on a business trip to Philly today, so here you all go.

Monday Morning Music

Top Gun in less than 4 minutes. While in bed.

Happy Birthday, Sesame Street!

More life as Musicals

Yeah, good luck with that...

From Hotline: "It'll take years, but we can do it" -- "Stick it In Detroit" dir. Robert Phelps, on how he hopes his new film will help fight Detroit's "very undeserved stigma" of being a crappy place (Oakland Press).

Morning Music

In honor of the upcoming concert by the Ruse, my cousin's band, we have TWO videos this morning.

If you are interested, they play at Jammin' Java in Vienna, VA at 9pm. Come early, stay late, and have a great time.

Mr. Deity and Da Man

How and Why Adam chose to leave paradise...

Remember, remember the Fifth of November

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of* no reason
Why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up the King and Parli'ment.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring. (Holla*)
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of the people.

Watch your language

Seriously. When you just throw around the word douchebag, it detracts from when you really, really mean it.

http://scribe.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/defense-more-stringent-use-word-douchebag

After last night's elections.... your daily music.

EDIT: In a side note - I fucking hate music exec companies. Really? You're going to post a free music video to YouTube, but disallow embedding into other sites? Nevermind that ads DO show up in the first 15 seconds of the video, but you require me to go to YouTube to watch it?

So I played with the code from a previous embed and replaced it with the serial number for this video. Hey, EMI: Don't be such a douchebag. (See above post.)

My favorite thing about Thursdays

Going Back to Philly - Always Sunny in Philadelphia from Danny DeVito

Morning Music Video

I'm starting a new string of posts posting a daily music video. Why not?

We start off with a classic.

God and prayers...

Christianity Trinity explained...

Porkins' Deadly Fart (For All Those True Fans)

Poor guy didn't get his beer... :-(

You know, did anyone stop to think that maybe the floor was actually moving? You can't tell because the camera was moving the same way and the same time.

You know what's coming - you still can't help but laugh

Norwegia and their Prize

Cool, If you like Dinosaurs That Is

I Love Man in the Box

The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers LOL...

I miss the days of childhood innocence where I wouldn't have even thought twice about this...wait, no I don't; this is funny stuff; I don't care who you are.

Eastern Market Yikes

creepy creepy creepy

What I am learning to do: winking...

Ze Vid: Socialism is Lines

Dan Brown's Lost Symbols

Anyone else reading it? Currently halfway through, SO DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!

But I've started trying to figure out the symbols without the use of The Google. Without giving anything away, look closely on the book jacket and you'll find a hidden code. (Dan Brown does this with all of his books.) The Da Vinci code had a code about the Freemasons on its book jacket, and was therefore a teaser about his next book. I'm looking forward to figuring this one out.

Torn Interpretive Dance

It's here!!! It's finally here!!!

NOTE: NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

Put on headphones, and turn the monitor away. Tucker Max is here.

EDIT: Well, YouTube took down the RedBand Trailer, in order to keep the boobies away from the kids. It was far better, but this one will have to suffice until we see the movie.

Stormtroopers' 9/11

Completely irreverent, inappropriate, and unnecessary. In other words, freaking hysterical.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Those rascally boy scouts are at it again...

12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams

Universal Laws...They're Science!

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

6. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

6. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and they are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over while those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and who stay to the bitter end of the performance and beyond. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The StarbucksLaw - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Today on Capitol Hill...

Somewhere, someone is being forced to sit through something similar to this, for reasons that may appear below this post:



and part 2...

In response to SEX: A Video Flashback

In tribute to our dear friend's pickiness. A song about how the average guy REALLY performs. ;)

She's back!!

I love Mike Polk.

Seriously, the end is the best part.

Cleveland...Sucks?

WOLVERINES!!!

OMG - I cannot wait for this remake! I've been waiting my whole life for the next Red Dawn!

(I like how they've changed the Russian/Cuban communists to Russian/Chinese communists.)

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3i0cdf40bc01587c419967dc2516d12740

If life were a musical...

Some people want their life to be a musical... some demonstrate what it will look like:

God Bless Texas

I'm not sure where I can say this without fear of a.) being shunned, b.) being shot, or c.) being shunned, then shot...but I am going to put it out there anyway - I miss Texas.

I miss roadtrips that spanned 9 hours and still left you wandering within the state's borders. I miss pastures, mesas, deserts, and rolling green Hill Country. I miss the belt buckles, the dress "jeans", the Wranglers, and the cowboys in Wranglers. I miss Billy Bob's in Ft. Worth, the museums of Dallas, and baseball at Ranger's stadium. I miss the way Shiner tastes in a pitcher at Duddley's, stubbing my toe on bottlecaps in Bottlecap Alley, and corps guys that hold doors. I miss stopping at the Czech stop in West, TX, the Braum's in Decatur, and the drive through Denton. I miss watching thunderstorms as they roll in, wearing flip flops in November, and playing pool-side in October.

I love this city, but I would never trade the years spent in Texas for anything.

I've not yet found my "place" here. I have my closest friends here, a wonderful apt. and roommate, and a great job. Despite the wonderful opportunity I've been given, I'm still feeling displaced. I know it's simply a matter of time before it begins to feel like "home".

But where's that "Southern hospitality" when you need it?


XOXOXO,

Born in Ohio, Adopted in Texas, Displaced in D.C.

I never voted to replace the TAN ones!!!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/28/spinal.injury.blue.dye/index.html

Makes me think that all those calls to the Mars Corp were in vain...

Yes, when I was in high school, I called to complain about the lack of tan M&Ms after the blue was introduced. (Mostly it was for the free M&M coupons.) After all, the election was for the introduction of a NEW M&M, not the replacement of an old one.

But the Tan M&M feels bad now. Blue: "I cure spinal injury - what did you do?"

hahahaha - For Davo

A Business major from the perspective of those who work in security.

Confirmation WIN

Couldn't help it... had to add more...

What do tigers dream of...?

THIS is how one should recruit...

How to stimulate the economy... A new take...

I can't F***ing wait for this, it looks AWESOME!

EDIT: Your code sucked, Bane. Here's another one trailer of the game til I find the other one you posted...

Response: Hey it wasn't my code, i just copied and pasted like the website told me too, it was their code!

Smile Nazis

You know, it always makes it harder to stop smiling the moment someone tells me not to.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/27/AR2009052703627.html

House for Sale

I wonder how many housing applications they are getting from Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago.  Davo!  Go to the Open House!!!

http://www.retrothing.com/2009/05/ferris-buellers-day-off-house-for-sale.html

Superheroes are REAL!

Well maybe not in the way we'd like, but its a start.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/04/28/dnt.oh.shadowhare.superhero.wlwt

Here is the world registry of superheroes so you can see if you have one in your city!

http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.com/world_superhero_registry_gallery.htm

Smurftastic!

This is a new shirt you can buy at T-Shit Hell, i think its funny as hell, but some may find it offensive.

Guess I'll have to buy the White Album again...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/27/technology/business-computing/27disk.html?_r=1&partner=MYWAY

While I understand the good intention of this - can it get a little much?  I mean, one tiny scratch that would have been a skip in a DVD movie will now erase whole movies!

hrmph.

Thanks to my grandfather for this one!

Two Large Plastic Garbage Bags

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large Plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once In a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag."
"Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that Money? "You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right Next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden.
"So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes."
"Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", "not everybody pays".

Base System, by xkcd

Bill Payment WIN

Bane - I know you sent this around to us via email a while back... I just recognized the name on the check: it's the same guy who does the xkcd comic strip.


Isn't there an error in the math at the bottom?

Yes,

The e^(2*pie) is not what is written on the check: it is e^(i*pie), therefore the check is written for 0.002+(-1)+1.

xkcd Comic: Screams "Jeff"

Dan sent this to me, and it nailed me on the head. I think we all should do this...

Democratic.... tyranny?!

Jon Stewart is amazing: "See, [conservatives], I think you are confusing 'tyranny' with 'losing'... It's supposed to taste like a sh*t taco."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Baracknophobia - Obey
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Be Glad This Isn't Your Mother!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5123965/Mother-kills-son-with-a-bullet-to-back-of-head-at-Florida-shooting-range.html

Sham POW!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

I knew he was a sexual deviant! HA!

That's it. I'm moving to Australia.

First of all, the fact that this is being studied, is, well, AWESOME.

Click here for the news article.

More from Bo

The Perfect Woman

So I saw the New Math guy (thing that Erika sent... kudos for the inspiration) on Comedy Central, and looked him up... several winners, but here is a good one we all can enjoy...

Newsbeat!

Tonight! Our undercover team, I mean, uh... This is one hard story to get... I mean, uh...

I really wish the name of this segment wasn't newsbeat. Just roll the damn clip.

Talk about a blaze of glory....

When you have nothing else to live for, make sure you die at 35,000 miles per hour.

The Watchmen: the Cartoon

Italian Clock

I KNEW IT!

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2009/03/bristol-palin-levi-johnston-break-off-engagement.php

It was obvious before, but I mean, come on - who could miss this political stunt?!

Those eyes look like they are screaming.

Thanks to Gig for this one.

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness!

Someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster, Ohio

forwarded the following letter.

The letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had

sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new

radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you

know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Agnes Baker