Ollie Williams is the best.
1 day ago
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas, from the Santa Stalker...
Warning: NOT for work... and Boondocks is hilarious! The
reference "Pay what you owe" Riley speaks of (for those who
have not seen this episode) is he asked for rims from Santa
("Not even the whole car, just the RIMS") and never got
them...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Mr. Espresso vs. Mr. Coffee
Last week brought freezing temperatures, scalding coffee, another Steelers win (FINALLY), and my birthday. This birthday was the best thus far. I enjoyed a staycation with my mother, a fabulous dinner party with close friends, and the sights and sounds of a winter wonderland.
This past year was a great one – the highs and lows of transition sandwiched between relationships and adventures that can only make you stronger.
I can’t tell you what this next year will hold for me, but I have ruled out the following:
a.) A baby (unless I am knocked-up in the next 3 months)
b.) A marriage (contingent upon point A above)
c.) A PhD (I need a break!)
d.) A fabulous European vacation (thank you, recession)
Despite being unsure of what this year will bring, I’m fairly optimistic that it has to be better than Match.com would expect.
So, with no “Match” to provide me insight and direction (like how to tell if he’s interested by the underlying tones in his e-mail – WTF) any longer, I was surprised to have stumbled upon HIM this past week. The “Good On Paper” guy. He followed me into Starbucks one day last week when I had hit my mid-day slump and, thankfully, a pick-me-up (and a pick-up line) awaited just around the corner. He stood in line behind me, commenting on the diversity of beverage options as the peppy barista gave him the once-over for conversing in the pre-determined single-file line. It was somewhere between my Venti black and his double espresso that we exchanged information and did the proverbial pre-mating dance to end the conversation.
I left feeling jittery (over-caffeinated), dizzy (it was far beyond lunch), and HOT (I had just scorched my hand with what felt like ACID). I sauntered back to the office, feeling like business cards are merely Mardi Gras beads – the person who gets the most from others, wins. And at that point, I was the trashy girl hanging off the float. (BTW – it was several years ago and NO, there is no longer photo evidence)
Yes, he’s seemingly wonderful. Yes, his Japanese pronunciation of difficult sushi rolls is beyond anything I could dream. Yes, I should probably pursue date #2, but I can’t, or rather, won’t. He fits into all the neat and sectioned categories I had determined would be “ideal”, but there is just something…lacking. Although I strive to avoid using any of Usher’s lyrics, the line “I need a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets” could not be more appropriate. This man folds his underwear. I can just feel it.
So I doubt that Mr. Espresso and I will bask in each other’s pleasantries again and instead I will go back to the only male who gets me going at 6:30am every day: Mr. Coffee.
Here’s to you, fine readers, if your longest relationship is with an appliance (electric or otherwise).
(And here’s to another year of posting things online which make my mother gasp aloud…)
;)
XoXoXo
Kat- “Steam My Milk, Leave My Eggs Alone”-tastic
This past year was a great one – the highs and lows of transition sandwiched between relationships and adventures that can only make you stronger.
I can’t tell you what this next year will hold for me, but I have ruled out the following:
a.) A baby (unless I am knocked-up in the next 3 months)
b.) A marriage (contingent upon point A above)
c.) A PhD (I need a break!)
d.) A fabulous European vacation (thank you, recession)
Despite being unsure of what this year will bring, I’m fairly optimistic that it has to be better than Match.com would expect.
So, with no “Match” to provide me insight and direction (like how to tell if he’s interested by the underlying tones in his e-mail – WTF) any longer, I was surprised to have stumbled upon HIM this past week. The “Good On Paper” guy. He followed me into Starbucks one day last week when I had hit my mid-day slump and, thankfully, a pick-me-up (and a pick-up line) awaited just around the corner. He stood in line behind me, commenting on the diversity of beverage options as the peppy barista gave him the once-over for conversing in the pre-determined single-file line. It was somewhere between my Venti black and his double espresso that we exchanged information and did the proverbial pre-mating dance to end the conversation.
I left feeling jittery (over-caffeinated), dizzy (it was far beyond lunch), and HOT (I had just scorched my hand with what felt like ACID). I sauntered back to the office, feeling like business cards are merely Mardi Gras beads – the person who gets the most from others, wins. And at that point, I was the trashy girl hanging off the float. (BTW – it was several years ago and NO, there is no longer photo evidence)
Yes, he’s seemingly wonderful. Yes, his Japanese pronunciation of difficult sushi rolls is beyond anything I could dream. Yes, I should probably pursue date #2, but I can’t, or rather, won’t. He fits into all the neat and sectioned categories I had determined would be “ideal”, but there is just something…lacking. Although I strive to avoid using any of Usher’s lyrics, the line “I need a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets” could not be more appropriate. This man folds his underwear. I can just feel it.
So I doubt that Mr. Espresso and I will bask in each other’s pleasantries again and instead I will go back to the only male who gets me going at 6:30am every day: Mr. Coffee.
Here’s to you, fine readers, if your longest relationship is with an appliance (electric or otherwise).
(And here’s to another year of posting things online which make my mother gasp aloud…)
;)
XoXoXo
Kat- “Steam My Milk, Leave My Eggs Alone”-tastic
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Golden Oldey: The Parlor
This was one of the first videos I saw online - made about 10 years ago. Watch and then wash the shame off of you.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Perspectives on Spinal Tap
Ok, I'm not the best at blogging... I do not know how to embed the pic, but here is the link:
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Fun, Festive, and Fabulously Single
The holiday season is upon and 'tis the season.
'Tis the season...but for WHAT exactly?!
The season to be mocked and ridiculed by every Kay Jewelers commercial that interrupts my prime time chick TV. Seriously if Detective Stabler is cut off for one more diamond "I-hope-this-disguises-the-fact-that-I'm-bad-in-the-sack" ring, I might lose it.
NBC, you have been warned...
Ok, so maybe 'tis NOT the season for single gals. But I believe with a few games I like to play, called "let's pretend you're coupled", holiday gatherings can be more than pity parties:
1.) Cut out a photo of a soldier and place it in a great frame. When asked about him, be sure to tell them that unfortunately, your "love" cannot make it home for the holidays.
2.) Buy yourself something fabulous (bracelet, jacket) and wear it to parties where your partner's "absence" will not be unusual (i.e. holiday work parties) and tell them he just has "the greatest taste" and "couldn't wait until Christmas to give it" to you.
3.) Borrow-a-boy. Yes, I said it (and I am doing it!). Borrowing a guy friend to feign as your love interest is the perfect decoy when it comes to deflecting nosy relatives, prying co-workers, and intrigued acquaintances. AND you will generally have a great time because he's your pal to begin with.
This is probably my favorite gimmick of them all. Just make sure the rules are clear to both him and YOU:
a.) You're friends - not lovers. Never were, never will be.
b.) No PDA - for starters, no one at your holiday gatherings requested spin-the-bottle, therefore you can refrain from sucking face.
c.) Both parties must be single - free and clear. Remember, he is a rental - not a purchase.
The holidays (and those damn Kay commercials) always have me wondering what defines a relationship. Who determines the beginning (and often, sadly enough, the end) of a relationship? Some people never ask their partner to date 'exclusively' - it just happens. Some people are "talking" while others are "dating" and some are just "seeing". I've never asked, nor been asked, to define a relationship. My relationships have just...evolved.
I know when my partner is as equally as emotionally invested as I am, and unfortunately, I also know when he is not. In a time when a wedding band does not promise fidelity, when having sex can be devoid of "making love", and the number of unmarried individuals are on the rise, there is no perfect mold for the ideal relationship. The best relationship you can hope for is the one where your intensity and emotion are reflected in your partner and you can awake next to him each morning without the urge to strangle him.
You may be asking yourself if I have given up hope. No, no, my dears. I've simply streamlined operations at HQs. You see, I learned that if can surround myself with people who love me (the greatest friends any gal could ask for), solicit a dear guy friend to play the "doting" role, and drink my merriment (as imported from Puerto Rico), then I can survive another fabulously single Holiday season.
So here's to you fearless females looking for relationships during the Holidays - I wish you the best of luck.
And here's to those females who will crawl into bed next to the warmest character they know - aptly named "Bunny". You know who you are. ;)
I, on the other hand, will be the one donned in sequins, throwing back eggnog, and generally looking to make poor decisions. ;)
XoXoXo
Kitty "Check Out What's in My Stockings" Kat
'Tis the season...but for WHAT exactly?!
The season to be mocked and ridiculed by every Kay Jewelers commercial that interrupts my prime time chick TV. Seriously if Detective Stabler is cut off for one more diamond "I-hope-this-disguises-the-fact-that-I'm-bad-in-the-sack" ring, I might lose it.
NBC, you have been warned...
Ok, so maybe 'tis NOT the season for single gals. But I believe with a few games I like to play, called "let's pretend you're coupled", holiday gatherings can be more than pity parties:
1.) Cut out a photo of a soldier and place it in a great frame. When asked about him, be sure to tell them that unfortunately, your "love" cannot make it home for the holidays.
2.) Buy yourself something fabulous (bracelet, jacket) and wear it to parties where your partner's "absence" will not be unusual (i.e. holiday work parties) and tell them he just has "the greatest taste" and "couldn't wait until Christmas to give it" to you.
3.) Borrow-a-boy. Yes, I said it (and I am doing it!). Borrowing a guy friend to feign as your love interest is the perfect decoy when it comes to deflecting nosy relatives, prying co-workers, and intrigued acquaintances. AND you will generally have a great time because he's your pal to begin with.
This is probably my favorite gimmick of them all. Just make sure the rules are clear to both him and YOU:
a.) You're friends - not lovers. Never were, never will be.
b.) No PDA - for starters, no one at your holiday gatherings requested spin-the-bottle, therefore you can refrain from sucking face.
c.) Both parties must be single - free and clear. Remember, he is a rental - not a purchase.
The holidays (and those damn Kay commercials) always have me wondering what defines a relationship. Who determines the beginning (and often, sadly enough, the end) of a relationship? Some people never ask their partner to date 'exclusively' - it just happens. Some people are "talking" while others are "dating" and some are just "seeing". I've never asked, nor been asked, to define a relationship. My relationships have just...evolved.
I know when my partner is as equally as emotionally invested as I am, and unfortunately, I also know when he is not. In a time when a wedding band does not promise fidelity, when having sex can be devoid of "making love", and the number of unmarried individuals are on the rise, there is no perfect mold for the ideal relationship. The best relationship you can hope for is the one where your intensity and emotion are reflected in your partner and you can awake next to him each morning without the urge to strangle him.
You may be asking yourself if I have given up hope. No, no, my dears. I've simply streamlined operations at HQs. You see, I learned that if can surround myself with people who love me (the greatest friends any gal could ask for), solicit a dear guy friend to play the "doting" role, and drink my merriment (as imported from Puerto Rico), then I can survive another fabulously single Holiday season.
So here's to you fearless females looking for relationships during the Holidays - I wish you the best of luck.
And here's to those females who will crawl into bed next to the warmest character they know - aptly named "Bunny". You know who you are. ;)
I, on the other hand, will be the one donned in sequins, throwing back eggnog, and generally looking to make poor decisions. ;)
XoXoXo
Kitty "Check Out What's in My Stockings" Kat
Connections.
So... one of my friends in College Station shared a video that breaks down auto-tuning with me:
And then, another friend shared the fact that she recently danced with Bill Nye. You know... the Science Guy?
Then, strangely, I found this. Apparently it's correct - everything IS connected. (Bill Nye, being auto-tuned.)
And then, another friend shared the fact that she recently danced with Bill Nye. You know... the Science Guy?
Then, strangely, I found this. Apparently it's correct - everything IS connected. (Bill Nye, being auto-tuned.)
RESPONSE TO: Twilight Intervention
Oh, poor Jeff.... You just don't see the larger picture.
I introduce you to prophet Kevin Smith, who levies some much needed wisdom about twilight.
My favorite line: "How dare you pass judgment on those thirteen year old girls who like vampires. They need to be encouraged! Because in six years, they'll be eighteen year old girls who like vampires... Don't poo-poo it. There's a plan. And it's working."
I introduce you to prophet Kevin Smith, who levies some much needed wisdom about twilight.
My favorite line: "How dare you pass judgment on those thirteen year old girls who like vampires. They need to be encouraged! Because in six years, they'll be eighteen year old girls who like vampires... Don't poo-poo it. There's a plan. And it's working."
Twilight intervention
For those of you who feel as I do (anti-Twilight sentiment), this is for you. ~J
Twilight Fans Get Punked - watch more funny videos
Today's No-Shit News Service brings us....
... porn! (Safe for work)
Turns out that a study to compare how pornography affected men's lives couldn't be completed... because they couldn't find a single man who did not watch porn.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html
So, today's morning music is NOT for men who DON'T watch porn.
Turns out that a study to compare how pornography affected men's lives couldn't be completed... because they couldn't find a single man who did not watch porn.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html
So, today's morning music is NOT for men who DON'T watch porn.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
NEWS FLASH:
To whom it may concern...
iTunes is giving free trailers for the second installment of the Family Guy Star Wars episode: Something, something, something dark-side. Mark your calendars, December 22. It will be epic.
~Jeff
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Daggers, Dinners, and Dykes
Male friend: "G' Morning. I've got news that will make you happy."
Me (eyebrow raised sharply over cup o' joe #2): "Eh. What's that?"
Male ex-friend: "DC Council just OK'd same-sex marriages. There's hope for you."
Following this conversation I made a dinner date with a man I can hardly bare to be seen with in public. With this action: I have both confirmed my sexual orientation and exploited myself for a free dinner. But so goes another week of thwarting lesbian tendencies... (wink, wink BTW)...
Me (eyebrow raised sharply over cup o' joe #2): "Eh. What's that?"
Male ex-friend: "DC Council just OK'd same-sex marriages. There's hope for you."
Following this conversation I made a dinner date with a man I can hardly bare to be seen with in public. With this action: I have both confirmed my sexual orientation and exploited myself for a free dinner. But so goes another week of thwarting lesbian tendencies... (wink, wink BTW)...
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