Free Beer/Cheap Scotch

Temporarily moving to Twitter

2010-11-03T15:33:00.002-05:00

Since I rarely offer anything more than a link and a quip, I'm going to try out that newfangled contraption over at Twitter.

I'll update with my username once I've decided on one.

Movin' and Shakin' in the Winds of Change

2010-06-27T21:11:00.007-05:00

You're probably starting to think I'm THAT girl...you know the one - she only calls you when she's lonely...or drunk...or drunk and lonely...the kind of girl that puts on an extra swipe of mascara just before she finds herself hanging outside the front door of your duplex barely able to hold on to the trellis...not that I haven't been THAT girl in the past...but times, they are a'changing my dears. My lack of posts can only been attributed to the crazy amount of change and transition that I currently find myself spun into. My lack of posts has no correlation to the increase in hangovers or nights spent holding my head between my knees on the Yellow line.

In fact, my loves, humans are ever-evolving creatures and I have proof. Although I had a wonderfully diligent anthropology professor in undergrad who would drive home critical points of ancestral reference and human and cultural development, I choose sleep. That was, by far, the easiest "C" I ever earned...

Let's focus on the creature I know most, and yet sometimes not at all - MYSELF. I can't tell you why transition becomes desirable to some and a thorn to others. What I can tell you is that sometimes changes come all at once, not one at a time - like delicious free samples on Saturdays at the grocery (AKA "free lunch Saturdays"). These are the times when even a well-meaning, overly-organized, micro-managing Sagittarius becomes overwhelmed.

I love new chapters, turning over a new leaf, and all the other metaphors that poetically describe change and transition. Whether or not I can handle the various changes, the multiple juggling, at once - this is the question. The guy who juggles flaming batons at the Chinese circus has one job. Don't let the fire fall. In order to keep my own flaming batons in air, I have attempted to prioritize what's TRULY important. My ranking list is comprised of everything that I want to attempt/change/modify and includes the tedious (paying off credit card) to the pseudo-scandalous (AKA the secret nose job I have been vying for)...

A few weeks ago my roommate approached and the conversation following resulted in the shared understanding that we are much better friends than roommates. Not because we didn't try or didn't care, but we became less "us" and more Ricky and Lucy (separate beds and all...). We both realized that in order to preserve "us" we'd need distance beyond bedroom walls. I still love her and I can't wait for our next coffee date.

Although, I was half of the understanding party who accepted that good friends don't make the best roommates, I was lost. And anxious. Where to go from here? And more importantly, was it time for me to get my own wings? Or did I settle in, gets some cats and a few more Snuggies, and call it the life I was destined to lead? Things with the beau were solid, but were we ready for that? Better yet - was I ready for THAT? Waking up to the same person everyday, giving up secret single girl behaviors (clipping your toenails on the toilet), and not going to bed after a night of Bacardi-fueled angry text messages (guilty as charged, I'm afraid)? Don't get me wrong. Am I in love? Of course, I am. But I am the first to admit that I am set in my ways, my spatial parameters, and the way I like the cutlery drawer organized.

So, I had a tough decision to make: Was I going to go it alone, knowing full well that my 29th birthday could be surrounded by empty bottles of cheap vino and a few furry four-legged mammals? OR was I going to accept that I love him enough to let my idiosyncrasies (OK, at least a FEW) slide and know that no one would suffer if the Tupperware accidentally finds itself in the dining ware cupboard. (The thought still stirs me. BREATHE and REPEAT)

After looking for a place to call our home for 4 weeks, we signed and sealed the deal on Saturday. We begin our little co-habitation experiment on July 15th. I will call our abode the "Grandstaff-Whicker household". He doesn't disagree. ;)

So here's to those of you taking the NEXT leap of faith, love, or lust.
Best of luck!

XoXoXo

Ms. Katalyst (of change)

Some US Soccer Vids...

2010-06-13T07:58:00.001-05:00

For Dan...

2010-05-31T20:58:00.000-05:00

I know you like the show... thought you might like this promo.

Job Search

2010-05-22T12:32:00.002-05:00

Please let all your employers know, I am looking for a job. Here is a link to my resume, courtesy GNB... and Barney...

Who You Gonna Call? (2010 Encore)

2010-05-18T22:33:00.000-05:00

Yes We Can Obama! Make getting Fed Jobs Easier...

2010-05-11T10:00:00.001-05:00

Best part? They are doing away with the KSAs... AWESOME!

One more funny vid for Mother's Day... or Mother's Night...

2010-05-09T20:14:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T00:59:00.001-05:00

Both are reposts or old videos. But they are good!

Simple creatures, simplified.

2010-05-03T16:28:00.003-05:00

Walking a very short walk for a very simple dose of caffeine, my dear gal pal and I were discussing the opposite sex. Strolling along, I was struck (not by a bolt of lightening - although given today's weather, that's not entirely impossible - or by a cabbie, ALSO not improbable) but rather an epiphany. It was not a new or completely remodeled idea, but one I had spouted (and recycled, when convenient) to any female in need of consoling...
"Men really are just simple creatures."

As I said it, I FELT it. It kinda hit me - not in the Ike and Tina way, but shell-shocking enough to compete in the Whitney/Bobby welter-weight. Men are simple. I don't mean simple-minded fellas, so don't get your Hanes in a bunch. I mean - you need to be fed, shown physical and intellectual stimulation, and sometimes humored. There really is no need for a manual (although it would be the shortest best-seller EVER). So if guys are so simple, why are relationships complicated?!

Then my gal pal said the thing that made it all so clear - like that day in high school chem class when your lab partner lit her acrylic nails on fire on the bunsen burner and you realized that karma is a very powerful force -
"Girls are like fish. We just need a few flakes of attention each day and we'll be satisfied."

I looked at her like she was Yoda. She's recovering and currently detoxing from her past relationship, but the lady is wise beyond her years...

So if both sexes are simple creatures, why the confusion?

If men think that women are more complicated than we really are, and women are overthinking how men operate, then aren't we just doing one another a dis-service by overcomplicating what could be a beautifully simplistic relationship?

1.)Go home.
2.)Grab your partner/lover/maid.
3.)Tell them you love them and their eyes/butt/etc. and mean it.
4.)REPEAT daily

Here's to repeating yourself, in a good way. ;)

XoXoXo

Katatonic

In time for Prom season, a twist on the "Promise" pledge...

2010-04-29T20:52:00.001-05:00

The Lobbyist Firm promise is a tradition. In essence, it's a promise made to your family, your workplace and undeserving undergraduate interns. Wherein you commit not to drink and drive and not to engage in sexual relations with another underpaid Washingtonians, scrambling for the top.

Here is the promise:
I, _______________________
Hereby promise to behave responsibly before, during and after Lobbyist Firm.
Date: ____________________

I commit to an alcohol, drug and sex free Lobbyist Firm because I care about my fellow colleagues, my community, and myself.
Signed by: _______________________

Minion: _______________________
Boss: _______________________
Witnessing Intern: _______________________

I WANT TO LIVE.

I want to lobby, listen to boasting bigshots, and canvass Capitol Hill while someone maintains his/her purity.

I want to have an absolutely great time at Lobbyist Firm. Every day after, I will relive it, hour by hour, loathingly, with my friends.

I want to remember it. All of it.

I will not have sex at the Lobbyist Firm.
I will not use alcohol at the Lobbyist Firm.
I will not drive PERIOD to or from the Lobbyist Firm. (I will take the Metro and hope it doesn't break down.)

Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum.... or Smart Smart Smart Smart Smart?

2010-04-18T17:41:00.002-05:00

Avenue Q + South Park putting the South Park episode retelling the founding of the Mormon church to Broadway...

You tell me which one is better....

2010-04-12T23:32:00.001-05:00

The cover?

or the writers of the song?

I love Luna Halo.

"I love you - What's your credit score?"

2010-04-07T14:07:00.006-05:00

Hello dear readers. You come here often? What - you've heard that line before? It's been a while since we hooked up and I just wanted to let you know, like any drunken frat boy after Spring Break, I'm back in your life for another go-round.

Maybe I've been consumed at work and the thought of coming home to a warm flickering laptop is about as delightful as getting your legs waxed after a brutal sunburn. Needless to say, despite my lack of energy and my willingness to just "roll over" on you, I've missed you and our one-sided anecdotal relationship. I want to fix what we had and look forward to a relationship that revolves around me, where you will listen to my tales of shock and horror, either commiserating or judging based solely on the depiction of these accounts....

Or maybe it's that I have finally unearthed myself from the pile of wedding invitations which have flooded, are flooding, and continue to flood, my humble abode.

Let's just pretend it was the latter. First and foremost: CONGRATULATIONS to my nearest and dearest who are recently engaged or will be celebrating their wedding day in the near future. Second: If you fall in the aforementioned group, please discontinue reading...

For those of you slick and sneaky bastards who are avoiding a trip to the altar like some of us avoid carbs, continue to perpetuate your justification for bucking the system and read on...

I have spent years, the better part of the last decade to be exact, observing and analyzing what "works" for some marriages and what will cause your spouse to chase you out of the house in the wee hours of the morning wielding a nine-iron and smash in your luxury SVU's windows...I'm just sayin'. Over the course of the observations, I have compiled what (I believe to be) a generally accepted list of things you should know about your spouse prior to saying "I Do".

1.) Know what your potential spouse looks and acts like when they are sick. Undoubtedly, they will be whining, snot-nosed, and wrapped in a Snuggie. (or maybe that's just the few of us who are willing to admit it...) Needless to say, (at this particular time) he/she is not the hottie you originally chased after. Remind yourself that underneath the germy exterior is the warm body you adore.

2.) Know that he/she can use the basics: shovel, hammer, screwdriver (the version without orange juice), and drill. BOTH sexes should at least have a general knowledge of the capacity and use of these tools. (For those of you who are advanced, I would even add caulk-gun, but let's not get crazy.) It would be nice to know that your significant other can help you hang picture frames, dig in the yard, or make simple repairs prior to tackling the larger (more stressful) projects, like addressing a flooding basement.

3.) Know that he/she has a basic grasp on food preparation. Your significant other does not have to be a master chef (although props to you if he/she is - SCORE!), but should be able to help in the kitchen at meal time beyond pre-heating your oven (insert Marvin Gaye lyrics here). No such luck? Take a cooking class together - what's better than cooking together under the close supervision of a local chef?...eating the fabulous meal you prepared, drinking the wonderfully paired vino, and running home to burn it off in ways that make hormonal teenagers blush. Salut!

4.) Know your significant other's most important possession. What is the one material thing that means the world to him/her? This speaks volumes about his/her priorities both personally and professionally.

5.) Thanks to the recession, we're all a bit more money-conscious. What's worse than wasting money?..having a spouse that does it for you. Know your better half's level of fiscal responsibility (and be willing to disclose your own). All's fair in love and war and shared credit reports...

6.) Know your partner's relationship with his/her own family. All families have some degree of crazy - you don't have to understand how they operate - you just need to know on which level it does. Besides, wouldn't it be nice to assess your potential lifemate's connection with parents and siblings prior to you joining the group willingly? :)

That concludes today's lesson entitled "I told you so". A scuba-diver does not dive without scuba gear and you should not take the plunge without this checklist...

So here's to my newly "en-fianced" and my "brides/grooms - to be" - may your love and passion last for lifetimes (and feel free to post this list on your fridge for a refresher). ;)

XoXoXo,

Blushing Bridesmaid

Sheldon Cooper on Social Sciences

2010-04-07T13:38:00.002-05:00

I think this analysis by Sheldon is how Bane feels about the rest of our work:

Hope for me yet...

2010-03-30T09:54:00.001-05:00

I hope many hiring managers read this article.

Leia + Red Ball Organ = HOT

2010-03-30T09:27:00.001-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Worst. Country. Ever.

2010-03-29T22:40:00.001-05:00

Worst Law ever. Terrible Idea. If I ever visit Europe, this country is DEAD to me.

Iceland, repent - for your nips will be extra hard.

Full article HERE.

Choose Your Own Adventure... Movies?

2010-03-14T19:34:00.000-05:00

Umbilical Brothers

2010-03-11T11:53:00.000-06:00

People with too much time on their hands... still awesome...

2010-03-08T11:08:00.000-06:00

Brings back memories... right Daniel? Bane?

2010-03-04T23:47:00.000-06:00

In Case You Haven't Heard...

2010-03-02T22:02:00.000-06:00

Kinda Creepy...

2010-03-01T23:57:00.000-06:00

Why I hate Hollywood part 2...

2010-02-25T12:39:00.002-06:00

As you recall, I was upset about the remake of the film "Death at a Funeral" earlier (see earlier post). I recalled Eddie Izzard made a good point concerning this very situation.

Sir, respectfully, Go Fuck Yourself.

2010-02-25T09:59:00.001-06:00

From CQ's Political Wire:

"Of course it's the nature of the modern Congress, which hires lots of nice young staffers who have never had a real job, who spent their entire life being arrogant to visitors from back home, who end up thinking they know a lot because they stay up until 3 o'clock working on a word processor, and who write legislation as though they have some contact with reality."

-- Newt Gingrich, quoted by CNN.

Read more: http://politicalwire.com/archives/2010/02/24/bonus_quote_of_the_day.html#ixzz0gZ1odcqZ

Live-blogging the Health Care summit..

2010-02-25T09:33:00.007-06:00

First attempt at this. So, enjoy.

10:34 - Alexander has been going on about "the rights of the minority". Every bone in my body screams at this. The most hopeful thing I said when Barack Obama was elected was that I promise not to treat the defeated party in the way that we had been treated for the past 8 years. I'm sure eating my words now.

10:37 - Pelosi now. Stop puffing your chest. You're here to get things done - humility will go farther this early on.

I sure seem to have conflicting emotions about the current legislative process.

Biden is smelling his knuckles.

This is how live-blogs go, right?

11:01 - Barack Obama (paraphrased): "Now you say something nice about me. I said something nice about you."

11:10 - Senator Coburn is a TERRIBLE doctor. I'd rather be sick.

Tests are given so that you can have a CORRECT diagnosis. [Jesus, this bump KINDA looks like cancer, but it could be mumps. Either way, I'll just give you aspirin.]

2:20 - I'm back. Had to go learn more stata. But a friend pointed out this gem I missed.

"Hey, McCain - If you were on Twitter, you'd know what 'STFU, d-bag' means."

2:55 - Paul Ryan: "we don't want gov't in control of this, we want people in control of this."

Government IS people, or have you lost your soul already? Government is not a building that walks around, smashing things. (Fill in the rest of the Lewis Black joke that I don't want to look up right now)

My graduate school project.

2010-02-25T01:06:00.003-06:00

A friend of mine asked me tonight what my graduate school project was about. Unknown to them, I had been working on an assignment for the class all week to this point, and my patience of describing it is running thin, as the numerous hours of writing and rewriting the damn thing has caused me much grief. Due to my current hatred of dwelling on the subject, I found the closest thing I could to describe it for me. My response I told them was the international explanation of the following video:

How to do a news segment...

2010-02-24T09:45:00.000-06:00

If only...

2010-02-23T14:14:00.001-06:00

Positive Reinforcement - The Big Bang Theory

A Dedication To Smitten Kitten's Re-Found Love : )

2010-02-21T19:17:00.002-06:00

In recognition of your post below this goes out to you and yours miss Kat : ) Here's hoping your re-ignited flame never burns out!

Cabin fever, rehab, and re-igniting the flame

2010-02-17T13:58:00.003-06:00

Dear Readers: I am not dead. I am, however, suffering the varying effects of cabin fever. If you have never experienced the phenomenon, consider the PSA commercial about the effects of Meth use which aired a few years ago. I’ve included it here for your viewing displeasure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY1Pl1zGowc&feature=related

Ok – perhaps that was a severe comparison. But I was going stir-crazy. Valentine’s Day (my least favorite faux-liday) was around the corner and I was about to be trapped inside for days at a time?! I was beginning to feel like a tigress being shipped off to the trapper in a too-small cage. GRRRRR

I was feeling the winter-blahs and I was feeling them big time. The spirit of the Holidays and the polish of the New Year had worn to a dull, serrated daily routine. No love interest (since being shot down prior to NYE) other than those sugar-free chocolate candies (previously hidden in the back of my freezer to prevent binging and ones which I had just rediscovered, to my own detriment), Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker”, and sweatpants. THIS.IS.BLEAK.

After sweeping up the last of the holiday tinsel, the local retailers made no effort to display anything that wasn’t pink or red or covered in smiling hearts and overweight baby angels with bow and arrows. I LOATHE Valentine’s Day. I always have. I think because I am a woman dedicated to managing the reality of the situation and hype is my nemesis. Valentine’s Day is festering with hoopla. I would like a partner to be appreciative 365 days a year, not mask his inadequacies for showing affection by buying the last box of chocolates and a fabric rose at Walgreens before he knocks at my door one day in February. One Valentine’s Day, I received an espresso maker from my then-current boyfriend. Practical and necessary. Perfect.

What is love? I mean, really, what is LOVE? Had I been confusing lust with love for the last 12 years?! (Trust me, I know that stint with Bret Michaels was anything but love, but every rose has its thorn…) I had been in love and I had been out of love. And now, it seemed that everywhere I turn people are in love (engagement announcements, wedding invitations, and “Look’s Whose Pregnant” cards are FLOODING into my apartment). I never felt the “itch” before. You know - the one that females (and some males!) get to settle down and nest. I’m not sure if this is THAT itch, but I definitely had Kat-scratch-fever.

The first week of February brought a surprising e-mail. A flight itinerary sent by the very one who I had begged and pleaded for. The next few days were a blissful blur. I was back in the saddle again and more in love than ever. Maybe I needed the time we spent apart (though I would have contested it at the time), maybe it took the absence to realize that what we had and now, what we have, is better than I could have planned. Maybe, just maybe, it had been there all along.

I’m waving “Au Revoir” to my dating dilemmas and “Bonjour” to my newfound, rekindled, LOVE. Are these days of blogging about relationship snafus over? Oh NO my friends -something tells me there will always be something notable about the differences between males and females…

So this one goes out to lovers, lost and found (or re-found)…

XoXoXo

Smitten Kitten

This would SO work on me...

2010-02-13T22:24:00.000-06:00

Scene from Psych on USA Network 2013 Bunny Love 2/3 - Watch more Funny Videos

Why Hollywood sucks...

2010-02-10T01:19:00.002-06:00

In watching Death at a Funeral (2007, the British film) I have come to find there is a remake (a mere 3 years later) starring Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, James Marsden, and Danny Glover among the key characters. They even used Peter Dinklage in the new movie... playing the same part. Reading reviews for the new one is tragic. They claim Glover (playing Uncle Alfie's part), Marsden (playing a terrible copy of Alan Tudyk's part from what I can see in the previews, Tudyk was brilliant in his portrayal as the drug-induced man), and Tracy Morgan (playing Andy Nyman, or "Howard") steal the show and make the movie a must-see. All the jokes are the same, as the head writer is the same for both movies, but Frank Oz didn't get director for the new one; it was a new dude. I'm very displeased with the new version's trailers. Hollywood: I'm very disappointed.

The Original

The New version

For you Top Gear Fans... aka me...

2010-02-09T11:29:00.003-06:00

Rare Sighting on Loch Ness...

Facebook Abuse continued

2010-02-01T09:31:00.003-06:00

To hammer in Greg's point (from Man in the Box)....

I know the second link was already posted here, but it is similar to the first link...

Badass of the Week

2010-01-30T10:30:00.001-06:00

Buzz Aldrin's Rocket Experience from Buzz Aldrin

One thing that will pass health care reform

2010-01-26T17:05:00.002-06:00

Hindsight is 20/20... I shouldn't of drank that many...

2010-01-23T23:28:00.002-06:00

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/bristol-palin-vows-no-more-sex-until-marriage-2010221

Yes, you read the link right: Bristol Palin has vowed not to have any more sex until after marriage. I don't know if it bothers me that it was a lie the first time, or that this reminds me of so many pro-life advocates who have already had an abortion.

My point is, never say never.

Hitler finds out the MA Senate race results....

2010-01-20T16:30:00.003-06:00

... and it's pretty much how I feel about the whole thing.

Yes, I just compared myself to Hitler. But not the real Hitler. This fake Hitler.

Badass Learnin's

2010-01-20T09:21:00.001-06:00

Oh, man, I want.

Maybe then a certain organization that a certain friend of mine works for would hire me. :)

http://www.lockpickshop.com/ST-23.html

And as a bonus, I would totally take this course:

http://www.intelligent-training.com/surveillance_advanced.php

Subways in NYC

2010-01-19T00:16:00.001-06:00

What do you people in DC do on the Metro? This is how New Yorkers roll on the Subway... you wish you could be as cool...

Morning Music To Start Your 4 Day Week

2010-01-18T21:30:00.001-06:00

A Few Old Election Specials I came across...

2010-01-17T17:52:00.003-06:00

Reading is Important

The Next Big Group Dance

2010-01-09T10:09:00.003-06:00

Ok guys and gals--I'm thinking this for the next big dance we all attend. Bjune and Daniel pay special attention...I'm sensing a Latin--Bdance off

Raw Talent

2010-01-09T10:01:00.001-06:00

I know raw talent when I see it. I'm taking these kids to the top!! Don't steal my production value Daniel lol....

James' future kid.

2010-01-06T15:39:00.001-06:00

Resolution, Revelation, and Rejection

2010-01-05T08:28:00.008-06:00

Let's just start off by saying that the number of new year's resolutions I have generated closely rivals the combined total number of my ex-boyfriends, speeding tickets, and poor decisions made while drinking neon-colored shooters. For the record, I had two resolutions last year: graduate with a Masters degree and quit smoking. Done and Done. In an over-zealous attempt to re-arrange my lifestyle choices, improve upon the good and eliminate the bad, I have created quite the lengthy legend of resolutions.

I have included an abridged list (God knows I love a good organized list) to prioritize them:

1.) Be honest and tactful - though I'm a horrible liar, I'm not often open. I'm going to attempt better open communication without the occassional (and hazardous) implosion or explosion. Subsequently, I will try to remain tactful. Instead of, "You're a bitch", perhaps I will try, "I'm not quite fond of you at this particular moment". (HOWEVER, if, in fact, you are a bitch, then I reserve the right to honestly communicate that to your face in the loudest mode possible.)

2.) Remove the word "fine" from my vocabulary. I only use "fine" for two reasons:
a. I am feeling snarky.
OR
b. I really don't feel like you deserve any more of my time than what is spent in utterance of this one syllable (but mostly point A above).

3.) Practice good karma. Kill them with kindness. And, if after all that, you still can't get what you want, a little shameless flirting is not out of the question. ;)

4.) Simplify. Does having three planners make me more organized? No. In fact, it makes me a nut-job when the same appointments are not plugged into all three and may or may not be color-coded in different color schemes depending on locations and written in different colored ink which may or may not signify importance depending on what mood I was in when it was recorded! AHHHHH!!!!

I will spare you dear readers from the rest of the list as it basically follows one general rule: only make poor decisions from which you know the direction home. ;)

I spent the holidays in Ohio surrounded by my friends and family, missing the days when the home life meant that someone else made dinner and your laundry found its way from your floor to the washer and back to your room in some mystical fashion that only your mother could manage for the first 18 years of your life.

During my visit home, I went back to my alma mater. How things have changed. By the looks of the campus, you can now enter undergrad as a 12 year old. I found myself in the corner coffee shop, which I am sad to say was converted from Hippie Haven to Starbucks some years ago - correlating with the iconic meltdown from Kent's birkenstock manta to Ugg bandwagon. I sat near a twosome who were discussing relationships. The pair, one male and one female, were platonic friends (that poor bastard) and were talking about his most recent ex-girlfriend. I basically tuned out, until the following quote was uttered:

"She believes in fate and all that 'one person in the universe'...I believe that I am compatible with several people - this is why we didn't work."

And yes, that is the word-for-word quote as I had written on the back of the coffee receipt which reminds me only of the fact that men are pigs and I spent too much on my Venti drip (with room for cream).

This young 20-something's outlook on relationships had revealed suprising insights on relationship sustainability. I began thinking about compatibility and what makes some couples work, some fail, and others just simply glutton for punishment? (Not the "whips and chains" kind, you S&M freaks.) Does compatibility always equal relationship success? (If you've ever taken a standardized test you might note that the use of "always" should tip you off to the answer being "false".) Does success always mean you are compatible? (+ 2 points for those that noted the second usage of "always") What if you were compatible, but not successful? Does this warrant a "re-do"? I was spinning my wheels like a Texan driver on ice, but I think I was on to something...(or I should have stuck with the Tall -sized serving of caffeine, in lieu of the extra 8oz of bittersweet acid)

Before the clock could toll the warning sounds of the impending new year, I sent off a letter like none I had sent before. I asked forgiveness, and patience, but mostly for him back. I got a response within the next day. In a delicate and eloquent way, for the first time in a long time, I was rejected.

So dear readers, I start my year off at my most humblest. I don't know what this year might entail, but I'm the second-most optimisitic person in D.C. next to Harry Reid. I'm ready to get started on these resolutions and to find someone seemingly compatible (or pay them to act as such).

Happy New Year's Dear Readers!

XoXoXO

Kat-(Ben & Jerry are my best friends now)-mandu

Family Guy Stoned Reporters

2009-12-30T15:03:00.002-06:00

Ollie Williams is the best.

Merry Christmas, from the Santa Stalker...

2009-12-25T00:34:00.003-06:00

Warning: NOT for work... and Boondocks is hilarious! The

reference "Pay what you owe" Riley speaks of (for those who

have not seen this episode) is he asked for rims from Santa

("Not even the whole car, just the RIMS") and never got

them...

Tomorrow's Music To Shave By

2009-12-23T15:32:00.000-06:00

Because Of Jail

2009-12-23T08:20:00.001-06:00

Mr. Espresso vs. Mr. Coffee

2009-12-20T20:43:00.004-06:00

Last week brought freezing temperatures, scalding coffee, another Steelers win (FINALLY), and my birthday. This birthday was the best thus far. I enjoyed a staycation with my mother, a fabulous dinner party with close friends, and the sights and sounds of a winter wonderland.

This past year was a great one – the highs and lows of transition sandwiched between relationships and adventures that can only make you stronger.

I can’t tell you what this next year will hold for me, but I have ruled out the following:
a.) A baby (unless I am knocked-up in the next 3 months)
b.) A marriage (contingent upon point A above)
c.) A PhD (I need a break!)
d.) A fabulous European vacation (thank you, recession)

Despite being unsure of what this year will bring, I’m fairly optimistic that it has to be better than Match.com would expect.

So, with no “Match” to provide me insight and direction (like how to tell if he’s interested by the underlying tones in his e-mail – WTF) any longer, I was surprised to have stumbled upon HIM this past week. The “Good On Paper” guy. He followed me into Starbucks one day last week when I had hit my mid-day slump and, thankfully, a pick-me-up (and a pick-up line) awaited just around the corner. He stood in line behind me, commenting on the diversity of beverage options as the peppy barista gave him the once-over for conversing in the pre-determined single-file line. It was somewhere between my Venti black and his double espresso that we exchanged information and did the proverbial pre-mating dance to end the conversation.

I left feeling jittery (over-caffeinated), dizzy (it was far beyond lunch), and HOT (I had just scorched my hand with what felt like ACID). I sauntered back to the office, feeling like business cards are merely Mardi Gras beads – the person who gets the most from others, wins. And at that point, I was the trashy girl hanging off the float. (BTW – it was several years ago and NO, there is no longer photo evidence)

Yes, he’s seemingly wonderful. Yes, his Japanese pronunciation of difficult sushi rolls is beyond anything I could dream. Yes, I should probably pursue date #2, but I can’t, or rather, won’t. He fits into all the neat and sectioned categories I had determined would be “ideal”, but there is just something…lacking. Although I strive to avoid using any of Usher’s lyrics, the line “I need a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets” could not be more appropriate. This man folds his underwear. I can just feel it.

So I doubt that Mr. Espresso and I will bask in each other’s pleasantries again and instead I will go back to the only male who gets me going at 6:30am every day: Mr. Coffee.

Here’s to you, fine readers, if your longest relationship is with an appliance (electric or otherwise).

(And here’s to another year of posting things online which make my mother gasp aloud…)

;)

XoXoXo

Kat- “Steam My Milk, Leave My Eggs Alone”-tastic

Need some leverage this Chistmas?

2009-12-17T13:46:00.000-06:00

Carols from HIMYM

2009-12-15T23:44:00.001-06:00

Handbell Ninja Strikeforce

2009-12-14T14:50:00.001-06:00

THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER

2009-12-11T12:40:00.001-06:00

Are you man enough to handle this movie?

Fusion of the best kind.

2009-12-10T09:39:00.001-06:00

AMAZING.

See more funny videos and Technology Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Golden Oldey: The Parlor

2009-12-10T08:46:00.002-06:00

This was one of the first videos I saw online - made about 10 years ago. Watch and then wash the shame off of you.

BAMF of the Day

2009-12-09T11:12:00.002-06:00

Time for Chistmas. Get into the spirit!

2009-12-08T22:58:00.000-06:00

Goldy-Oldy

Owls in standup... funny

2009-12-08T20:13:00.001-06:00

Jokes.com

Matt Braunger - Average Auditioner

comedians.comedycentral.com

comedians.comedycentral.com

Joke of the Day

Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games

In honor of Davo's flight back to DC...

2009-12-08T11:36:00.001-06:00

A list of the 7 worst plane landings - where no one died.

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/42477

Afternoon music

2009-12-08T11:27:00.001-06:00

A fan-made music video. Not too bad at all.

For those against diamonds this holiday season....

2009-12-07T11:12:00.001-06:00

Monday Morning Music... Here. We. Go. ...again.

2009-12-07T10:35:00.000-06:00

...start :20 seconds in. Lame intro.

Friday evening music

2009-12-04T15:08:00.001-06:00

New BFS!!

Perspectives on Spinal Tap

2009-12-04T11:20:00.003-06:00

Ok, I'm not the best at blogging... I do not know how to embed the pic, but here is the link:

Spinal Tap 2009: Recession-Minded

Calling all Captains

2009-12-04T10:23:00.000-06:00

Kinda disturbing, but funny never-the-less.

In response to Kat's post

2009-12-03T22:58:00.001-06:00

Fun, Festive, and Fabulously Single

2009-12-03T19:39:00.004-06:00

The holiday season is upon and 'tis the season.

'Tis the season...but for WHAT exactly?!

The season to be mocked and ridiculed by every Kay Jewelers commercial that interrupts my prime time chick TV. Seriously if Detective Stabler is cut off for one more diamond "I-hope-this-disguises-the-fact-that-I'm-bad-in-the-sack" ring, I might lose it.
NBC, you have been warned...

Ok, so maybe 'tis NOT the season for single gals. But I believe with a few games I like to play, called "let's pretend you're coupled", holiday gatherings can be more than pity parties:

1.) Cut out a photo of a soldier and place it in a great frame. When asked about him, be sure to tell them that unfortunately, your "love" cannot make it home for the holidays.

2.) Buy yourself something fabulous (bracelet, jacket) and wear it to parties where your partner's "absence" will not be unusual (i.e. holiday work parties) and tell them he just has "the greatest taste" and "couldn't wait until Christmas to give it" to you.

3.) Borrow-a-boy. Yes, I said it (and I am doing it!). Borrowing a guy friend to feign as your love interest is the perfect decoy when it comes to deflecting nosy relatives, prying co-workers, and intrigued acquaintances. AND you will generally have a great time because he's your pal to begin with.
This is probably my favorite gimmick of them all. Just make sure the rules are clear to both him and YOU:
a.) You're friends - not lovers. Never were, never will be.
b.) No PDA - for starters, no one at your holiday gatherings requested spin-the-bottle, therefore you can refrain from sucking face.
c.) Both parties must be single - free and clear. Remember, he is a rental - not a purchase.

The holidays (and those damn Kay commercials) always have me wondering what defines a relationship. Who determines the beginning (and often, sadly enough, the end) of a relationship? Some people never ask their partner to date 'exclusively' - it just happens. Some people are "talking" while others are "dating" and some are just "seeing". I've never asked, nor been asked, to define a relationship. My relationships have just...evolved.

I know when my partner is as equally as emotionally invested as I am, and unfortunately, I also know when he is not. In a time when a wedding band does not promise fidelity, when having sex can be devoid of "making love", and the number of unmarried individuals are on the rise, there is no perfect mold for the ideal relationship. The best relationship you can hope for is the one where your intensity and emotion are reflected in your partner and you can awake next to him each morning without the urge to strangle him.

You may be asking yourself if I have given up hope. No, no, my dears. I've simply streamlined operations at HQs. You see, I learned that if can surround myself with people who love me (the greatest friends any gal could ask for), solicit a dear guy friend to play the "doting" role, and drink my merriment (as imported from Puerto Rico), then I can survive another fabulously single Holiday season.

So here's to you fearless females looking for relationships during the Holidays - I wish you the best of luck.

And here's to those females who will crawl into bed next to the warmest character they know - aptly named "Bunny". You know who you are. ;)

I, on the other hand, will be the one donned in sequins, throwing back eggnog, and generally looking to make poor decisions. ;)

XoXoXo

Kitty "Check Out What's in My Stockings" Kat

Connections.

2009-12-03T12:34:00.003-06:00

So... one of my friends in College Station shared a video that breaks down auto-tuning with me:

And then, another friend shared the fact that she recently danced with Bill Nye. You know... the Science Guy?

Then, strangely, I found this. Apparently it's correct - everything IS connected. (Bill Nye, being auto-tuned.)

RESPONSE TO: Twilight Intervention

2009-12-03T12:21:00.002-06:00

Oh, poor Jeff.... You just don't see the larger picture.

I introduce you to prophet Kevin Smith, who levies some much needed wisdom about twilight.

My favorite line: "How dare you pass judgment on those thirteen year old girls who like vampires. They need to be encouraged! Because in six years, they'll be eighteen year old girls who like vampires... Don't poo-poo it. There's a plan. And it's working."

Twilight intervention

2009-12-03T10:30:00.002-06:00

For those of you who feel as I do (anti-Twilight sentiment), this is for you. ~J

Twilight Fans Get Punked - watch more funny videos

Today's No-Shit News Service brings us....

2009-12-03T06:41:00.003-06:00

... porn! (Safe for work)

Turns out that a study to compare how pornography affected men's lives couldn't be completed... because they couldn't find a single man who did not watch porn.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html

So, today's morning music is NOT for men who DON'T watch porn.

For MICHELLE!!!

2009-12-02T16:23:00.001-06:00

Evening Music

2009-12-02T16:07:00.002-06:00

In honor of Kat's most recent post, I give you... Donna Summer.

NEWS FLASH:

2009-12-02T10:39:00.003-06:00

To whom it may concern...

iTunes is giving free trailers for the second installment of the Family Guy Star Wars episode: Something, something, something dark-side. Mark your calendars, December 22. It will be epic.

~Jeff

I love Christmas time and this movie

2009-12-01T21:36:00.003-06:00

Silent Monks Sing

2009-12-01T18:08:00.001-06:00

Daggers, Dinners, and Dykes

2009-12-01T15:27:00.004-06:00

Male friend: "G' Morning. I've got news that will make you happy."
Me (eyebrow raised sharply over cup o' joe #2): "Eh. What's that?"
Male ex-friend: "DC Council just OK'd same-sex marriages. There's hope for you."

Following this conversation I made a dinner date with a man I can hardly bare to be seen with in public. With this action: I have both confirmed my sexual orientation and exploited myself for a free dinner. But so goes another week of thwarting lesbian tendencies... (wink, wink BTW)...

Morning Music

2009-12-01T10:11:00.001-06:00

Red + Green = Black Friday

2009-11-30T09:36:00.002-06:00

No that Thanksgiving is over, yes, it's Christmas time.

For all you BSG fans...

2009-11-24T18:30:00.001-06:00

Yoko-Hero

2009-11-24T15:59:00.003-06:00

This is why you always make sure your chick rocks out.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Freakin' Hilarious. SW Status Updates.

2009-11-24T00:40:00.000-06:00

5 Star Wars Status Updates on CollegeHumor

The true meaning of Slapsgiving...

2009-11-24T00:20:00.002-06:00

Thanksgiving Lessons

2009-11-23T13:13:00.001-06:00

Where Did This Kid Come From?

2009-11-20T18:57:00.002-06:00

Is this an Ender Wiggin? (For those Ender's Game fans)

Who is the adult in this video clip?

And to reiterate J.D. Roberts' question, "what the hell is a gaywad?"

One possible answer..see below (maybe a "hard rock" host using a dumb fake accent wearing a 1950s retro high-school sweater calling it "heavy metal regalia" reading from a clipboard the names of rockers he's never heard of before lol...)

Nice review of 'Sunny' review

2009-11-19T14:54:00.003-06:00

I wish I could take the credit for being this funny. But it's from WWTDD.

"Most people are generally stupid and to prove it Vanessa Williams of ‘I Have No Idea’ was nominated for an Emmy as Best Actress in a Comedy while Kaitlin Olsen of ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’ was not. They might as well have nominated a map of Texas and the color Red too because that category made no sense whatsofuckingever without Olsen in it.

It would be like saying “which one is a duck”, and then the choices are a dog, a bear, and a broom. There’s only one right answer, and it’s not on the list. WTF is that? The entire cast should have won. That show should win every award, even ones they don’t qualify for. Best Comedy, Best Drama, Cy Young, Worlds Best Grandpa, everything, all of it.

At least they got some attention last night in LA at the ‘A Very Sunny Christmas’ DVD release premiere/party. Olsen was with her husband, series creator Rob McElhenney, who plays ‘Mac’. And Charlie Day, who plays ‘Charlie Kelly’ was there with his wife Mary Elizabeth Ellis, who plays ‘the Waitress’."

Job Opportunity

2009-11-19T12:57:00.002-06:00

I am currently applying for this job position, and highly encourage you all to do so. Trust me, take a look at least.

Job Opening

Movie Mashup = AWESOME

2009-11-19T08:54:00.001-06:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Morning Music!

2009-11-18T15:33:00.001-06:00

Not the greatest quality, but one of my favorite bands.

Thanks and Giving

2009-11-18T12:27:00.001-06:00

There’s something in the air. I mean, aside from that scented candle burning inside every retail store, labeled “Holiday Wreath” (but instead smells like the lovechild of Tanqueray and pine-scented tree-shaped air fresheners). I survived my Halloween as a drag-queen (thank you, Khloe Kardashian, for the costume tips), and the onset of the November chill (I'm a freeze-baby, remember?). This can only mean one thing: the Holidays are coming.

I will not be making the trek home this year for over-sized portions of turkey and all the fixins’ (served, simultaneously, with a side of guilt and fat pants for your convenience). The last Thanksgiving I was home was when I carpooled with my bro Sean. I can’t seem to be able to watch Thanksgiving football without him.

This year, I will be terrorizing a new family. My roommie has offered her home as a Thanksgiving haven, where the food, company, and conversation are sure to be lively and plentiful. I cannot wait for a retreat from the city and the warmth and joy her family exudes.

In honor of the upcoming Holiday (thank you, communist Pilgrims, for stealing the food from my people, cooking it, and bringing half of it back to the table to share), I have comprised a list of the things for which I am thankful.

I am thankful:

That I made mistakes. Big ones. That way, when I lecture my kids – it’s from EXPERIENCE.

That you took my love, and never gave back. That way, when it is reciprocated, I will know immediately what love is.

That I have a family that survives.

That the people I trust have always proven themselves trust-worthy.

That my roommate doesn’t say anything about my morning dash in my underoos (even though I’m sure she would)

That I have friends who dare to tell me when I am wrong.

That I have friends who dare to tell me when I am right.

That I have inherited the determination and bullheaded-ness that my mother claims comes from my father’s side.

That I am both intelligent and witty. That way, when gravity kicks in, I’ll have something to fall back on.

That I was taught that I deserve no MORE than anyone else. AND no LESS. Humility is a wonderful teaching.

Have a wonderful thanksgiving y’all. There truly is so much to be thankful for.

Thanks (And Gig ‘Em!)

Kat

Best reference ever

2009-11-18T10:04:00.001-06:00

Me: Been out with the flu for the past 4 days.
Warren: Must've sucked for Michelle
Me: She was sick the 3 days before me
Warren: What goes around comes around, eh?
Me: Yeah, hard to escape it when you are married.
Warren: That's why I don't kiss `em on the mouth

Gig `em, Ags

2009-11-18T09:43:00.004-06:00

In remembrance of the Aggie Bonfire, I wanted to post a video about A&M. The video itself too simple to be really considered emotional, but goddamn, it makes me miss College Station. Hardcore.

So the shot...

...and Chaser.

Assassin's Creed IRL

2009-11-18T08:51:00.002-06:00

In my flu-induced haze, I was able to wander to the nearest Best Buy and spend a sick day playing Assassin's Creed 2 until my fingers shriveled into a ball of carpal tunnel.

This is a short film based on the main charater's father. And they used the same actors in the game. This film truly is a remarkable representation of Assassin's Creed - right down to the same fight moves that you use. Enjoy.

Wednesday Morning Music (Mon for me)

2009-11-18T08:46:00.001-06:00

Been out with the flu for the past two days, so I just came off of a really terrible 4-day weekend. 80s music for your work distractions!

The Common Man and His Understanding of Energy Policy

2009-11-14T11:59:00.001-06:00

This show took place in the 70s; it's now a part of the Smithsonian and it doesn't look like much has changed....

Mr. Deity and Death

2009-11-14T09:17:00.001-06:00